An Encounter Of The Jerky Kind

[macx]

Bear with me as I make some semi-serious jokes about jerks.

Just got off a 12 hour night shift, out for a nice 10 mile ride to
the store to get some breakfast items.

Tootling down a 2 lane, winding & hilly, pretty busy with
morning traffic. Traffic's moving about 62 on a 55 limit.
I'm keeping up with the vehicle ahead of me.

However - it seems no amount of bright and/or flashing
lights make any difference to some tailgaters whom one
can only classify as Jerks. They just don't give a crap.

And when I signaled and slowed down for a turn, I actually
thought I was going to get run over - couldn't even see
the whole vehicle in my mirror!

Needless to say, I gave him the Happy Salute, and of course
Mr Tough Guy laid on the horn.

Now I'm 62 and pretty laid back. I don't bother anyone
and get along with most everybody. If somebody wants
to be a jerk, that's their problem - as long as they don't
impose their jerkiness into my happy little world.

Morons like that make me happily think of nasty things to
do to them.

One thing that has come to mind more than once over the
years for tailgaters is to carry a small bottle of really dirty
used motor oil (like in my left saddlebag on my bike) with
a small tube that runs thru a mini electric pump that squirts
a very fine mist of crud thru a small spray nozzle mounted
in the bottom rear of my muffler. Not enuf to be obviously
intentional, you understand, just maybe enuf for a small amount
of "engine smoke". MY but how thoroughly I would enjoy
thinking how much fun the Jerk would have cleaning that oil
film off his lights and windshield and the whole front of his
vehicle!

OR one could take a somewhat less subtle approach.
Like having a light panel on the back with a couple really
nice bright LED bulbs in it activated by a spring loaded
normally off toggle switch, and saying simply, in nice
big bright red letters BACK OFF.

A friend of mine had something like that on his big rig.
Usually even got the attention of the crap-for-brains.

I wonder, hmmm, I'll bet a person could sell the stink
out of something like that on eBay! )

Have a BEAUTIFUL day, all!!

[wncbmw]

Thoughts of revenge on highway jerks are wonderful and I really like the oil idea! But my revenge thoughts are usually restrained by remembering the obvious weight difference between our vehicles and my guaranteed loss if they get too mad! Last time I gave a 'happy salute' to a driver (at least where they could see it! ) was about 35 years ago and the guy pulled a gun on me!

On a related issue, I noticed a picture of a bike on advrider.com where the rider put a message on his left saddlebag - "If I just passed you on the right - YOU ARE IN THE WRONG LANE!" I would like that for my car too!

[Buckster]

It's too bad that those kind of people are out there. We have all encountered them at some point. I imagine in my head that I pull them out of their car and beat their brains in. But the reality is that the car is always bigger than the bike and do nothing to antagonize the situation. Sometime using hand signals (not the single finger kind) to signal you're braking along with your brake lights sometime will trigger the other driver that there is a live person on the vehicle.
Best of luck and safe riding.

[MikeCam]

99% of the people encountered along the roadways are butt crevice, unskilled, and ignorant. (Even when I ride with the guys!) No win. Survive and move along is the only safe and sane way I have determined to work.

[riceburner]

the oil idea a is a no go - the jerk wouldn't even notice.

[combustor777]

cast lead slugs or muzzleloading round balls at least .45 caliber in tank bag. cheap (just melted wheel weights) and crack windshields. obviously be discreet and have escape route.

[DMM]

On a related issue, I noticed a picture of a bike on advrider.com where the rider put a message on his left saddlebag - "If I just passed you on the right - YOU ARE IN THE WRONG LANE!" I would like that for my car too!

What a great sticker!

I second the comments that we all feel anger and frustration with idiots on the road, but that we're better off taking the high road, morally speaking. Firstly, as amusing as the oil spray device might be, you never know if you'd unintentionally injure someone else. Then you'd have some potential legal issues and the guilt to deal with.

Now, pardon me while I get on my soapbox and opine (stepping up...):
I'm a believer in karma - not the mystical stuff - but a more pragmatic version. Our habits are developed through repeated practice. Our daily behavior is largely a collection of these habits. By acting like a jackass, a person slowly becomes a jackass. We are all excellent at rationalizing our behavior, but it doesn't change the central fact that it is who we are.
Karma plays out in this way: repeated behaviors (impatience, rudeness, anger, etc.) in one venue (e.g., the car) appear elsewhere in our lives (around family and friends, at the grocery store, at work, etc.). Thus, life will eventually "reward" such behavior with myriad results (poor health, few friends, unhappy family members, general unhappiness and frustration, etc.).

It also helps to remember that you aren't the only person who recognizes this guy as an asshat. Small consolation, but it may help. We all deal with such idiots. Outside of life and death situation, I believe that we're better served by practicing the behavior we want to see in ourselves rather than succumbing to the temptation to get revenge. Easier said than done.

[wncbmw]

99% of the people encountered along the roadways are -----, unskilled, and ignorant. (Even when I ride with the guys!) No win. Survive and move along is the only safe and sane way I have determined to work.

There, I can read it better! Hey, wait a minute ... who you calling -----?!

[Boxer]

That rear tailgating issue is not limited to just car and truck operators....Right Vann?

[wncbmw]

You know Phil, you keep bringing that up, not me! I am a firm believer in 'what happens on the ride, stays on the ride!'.

[zeke]

Jerks are all over the place. And there is never a cop around when you need......except today. If I may contribute my own story about a jerk who got what was coming to him. This afternoon I was cruising around the DC, specifically the beltway/395 interchange. I was on a 2 lane exit that would merge to a one lane exit. Everyone was lined up nice and merged into one lane, but technically I suppose there was space for another vehicle to fit on the right. Well, Jerk himself zipped past about half a dozen cars, and me. Unfortunately for him at the front of the line was Mr. State Police (which was probably why everyone lined up and merged nicely). Jerk was promptly pulled over. I like to think he was read the riot act and given a citation with a hefty fine. I never thought I would see the day when there was a cop right there when you need him. I mean perfectly placed. I am sure it happens more often then we realize, but to see it first hand was somewhat validating. Jerks get what is coming to them some sooner than others.

[iowabeakster]

Road rage fantasies are great!!! (oil slicks ) Just keep them fantasies. I almost had a car crash on Christmas eve with somebody who ran a stop sign on 100% snow/ice covered roads. I could write several pages describing that 10 seconds. I was so amazingly furious. It's too easy to cross the line when you have legitimate reason to be angry.

I know a family that suffered a real horror story that resulted from the mom flipping the bird at a driver who entirely deserved it. No matter how much the jerk really needs to somebody to give hime a clue... don't try to be the one who clues him in.

Mike Cam has it right.

[Airman]

I actually like to remember that most of the car drivers on the road are completely unaware of motorcycles and may kill you by accident. A few appear to intent on killing us on purpose. Proficient Motorcycling has a lot of good advice on this issue of road rage. David Hough says don't even make eye contact with people like that, take the next exit. If you get some crazy guy in a truck mad at you, what happens next is your fault.

[macx]

the oil idea a is a no go - the jerk wouldn't even notice.

That's the whole idea - him not noticing till he's got where's going, or at least a ways away from me,
and THEN he realizes there's oil all over his windshield etc etc. And me being long gone and knowing
that would just make my day!

I actually had a buddy years ago that did that, but he squirted the oil onto the top of his rear tires
so he could do impressive burnouts! Worked like a charm. Course that was back in the 60's. He had
a beautifully done 66 2 door hardtop with a 365 hp Vette motor and 4 speed, candy paint, the whole
schmear. Sure made guys look, though, when he could roll the smoke off the tires at 50 mph!